Hey, Sis!
Sometimes when we are in love, it can be impossible to trust our gut!
After meeting so many ladies through creating the authentic space, The Bushhh, and coaching wives and mothers through the Mamas Bushhh Community, I have learned to LISTEN with an open ear and an open heart. I heard many of us telling the same stories and being controlled by the narrative our mates were creating and producing. Tales of men we love that seemingly didn't feel the same way anymore.
From the outside listening in some stories would sound like a HORROR film however, the intelligent woman standing in front of me sharing would be painting a complicated LOVE story. I couldn't understand why she didn't realize she was the main character in a horrific & tragic tale of the emotionally insane, an episode away from me being the star of SNAPPED. I always listen empathetically and judgment free, realizing that in my head, I TOO was telling myself the same tragic love stories, as I lay in bed every night with a narcissistic, disrespectful, jealous shell of a partner. Oh shit, I’m reading and starring in the same script.
Somewhere in that revelation, I questioned whether it was the high the love had us on or the high the D had us on or the fear the thought of loneliness was pumping through us. Whatever it was, we were definitely intoxicated, unable to see clearly and make proper judgements for our emotional well being .
Now that, Sis, is why we are here! We need a guide like Steve Harvey gave us that one time, that allowed us to see it from the other side. Something like the 10 crack commandments that couldn't be denied because although we are blessed with undeniable intuition, sometimes our nurturing and desire for happy endings completely disables our judgment. But not anymore, here are eight indicators that will help us overcome our Kryptonite.
Intentional Miscommunication
Ladies, have you ever felt like no matter what you say or ask, no matter how soft your voice tone or how intentional you are with the delivery, he is going to somehow take you on the carousel of communication hell. Oftentimes when men no longer feel that you are worth sharing and negotiating with they will intentionally shut down. This will play out with unnecessary spats over word choice or conversation location. When you get to this point and it seems like there is nothing you can do to effectively communicate, it is usually because he doesn't want to.
Secrecy
Unfortunately, I feel like the majority of us know what it feels like to have your mate withdraw into a new found secrecy. Most often we assume they are cheating or exploring other women but sometimes their desire to keep their world secret from you their mate can boil down to just not being as transparent and sharing about their day. You can go from being incredibly close to almost feeling like strangers due to the lack of sharing, the omission of information, and Lord help us the secret scrolling on socials. If your mate goes from all in, to a member of a secret society that you know nothing about, this could be an indicator that his feelings have changed.
Being Critical- especially in spaces where he used to be supportive
When he starts to become critical, especially in the very spaces where his support once thrived, it's like a neon sign blinking "detour ahead." Those once-friendly exchanges that flowed effortlessly are now peppered with skepticism and cynicism. You feel like all he does is judge you. You find yourself tiptoeing around topics that used to light up his eyes, afraid of the impending critique. In these moments, the writing is on the wall: He doesn’t even like you anymore. Sorry, Sister…. But that is definitely his loss.
Undervaluing You- no more compliments, ignoring thing you say or ask for
Subtle shifts in behavior often serve as telltale signs of fading interest. When his once-generous compliments dwindle into a scarce commodity and your words seem to echo into the void of indifference, take note, Sis. Those charming exchanges that once ignited sparks of connection now fall upon deaf ears. In these moments, it becomes a mirror reflecting the harsh reality: he no longer values your presence. Once this happens, there is nowhere left to go… RUN.
Friends Become More Important
When his focus gradually shifts from spending the majority of his time with you to investing more time and energy into his friendships, it's like watching the skyline fade into the dusk. The neglect has begun. Suddenly, those cozy evenings with shared dreams and laughter become overshadowed by his newfound devotion to his inner circle, which wasn't there before. You find yourself navigating his social calendar, feeling like a mere bystander in his life.
Gets Annoyed Easily- creating faux beefs
When he easily becomes irritated and fabricates conflicts out of minor issues, it feels like a rap beef and your ghost writers are not in town. How you even argue with a person that you don't want to argue with… it's not an easy feat yet you find yourself here more often than you would like. Just J. Cole your way out of it, Sis. Your peace is more important.
Not Trying to Get in Your Pants- tries not to be alone with you
Girl, you know if you can’t get on the same page in the area, it's a wrap. Sadly truly, if he doesn't want any nookie…. He does not want you. Again, my condolences but let that man R.I.P and NO I don't mean that literally! Don’t really end up on Snapped. Just move on, Beautiful!
Doesn’t Say I love you anymore
When he stops saying "I love you," chances are he probably doesn’t anymore.
Sister, I am not sharing this to hurt your feelings or make you feel discouraged. I am not even sharing to male bash. We need to continue to align ourselves with our highest selves and to do that we may have to face some harsh truths. Now of course these tips will not apply to every woman, every man, nor every relationship but if they do apply don't let it fly. Double down on what you deserve and how you deserve to be treated. Never let anyone get comfortable with treating you like an option.
If you missed our show on CLUBHOUSE about this topic, Click Here to listen.